Stop Arguing and Start Communicating

Have you ever looked at your partner in the heat of an argument and felt what seemed like pure hatred? Well, good, because that is actually totally and completely normal, especially if you are in a long term relationship. Getting into passionate arguments with your significant other can actually be a sign that you really love each other, according to some recent studies.

It turns out the same part of the brain activates love and hate, meaning if you and your loved one fight from time to time, that could just be the love showing itself in an unexpected way. I mean, if you didn’t love each other you wouldn’t care to stick around and be bothered to argue about something, you would just walk away because you didn’t care. But, you DO care, so you hunker down and and express yourself, even if it means causing a confrontation. However, even though bickering is normal, there is still a right and a wrong way to handle disagreements. Below are a few ways to fight fair.

Listen to Each Other

I find myself forgetting to do this when I find myself in an argument with my boyfriend. One of my weaknesses is needing to prove my point (probably stemming from a compulsion to be heard, but that’s another issue) and I find myself not listening to my beau, but fanatically arguing my side instead. By shutting up for a minute and actually listening to the other person’s side, then you can start a real dialogue and actually get something resolved.

Don’t Take It Personally 

When you start taking low blows you know that the argument has headed in the direction of no return. If he is mad at you for nagging him about cleaning the house, instead of firing back with how lazy he is, try to form your words in non-confrontational ways that are more about your feelings, and less about how he is messing up. Tell him that you need his help around the house because you are feeling overwhelmed. That sentence will produce a way more positive response than hurling insults. 

Stop Trying To Win The Fight

This is something a definitely need to learn. The Taurus in me makes it almost impossible to admit defeat, however, I need to remind myself that fighting with my parter isn’t a win/lose situation. Instead of focusing on who is right, start communicating about how to make each person feel comfortable and happy in the situation going forward. That way you both win.

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Used under Creative Commons Licensing courtesy of Rodrigo Paredes