For Some Separation Anxiety Is A Lifelong Companion

Reviewed by: Dr. Steven Knauf, D.C.

By: Martha Michael

Rocking, swaddling, and soothing are the joys of babyhood. Picture a sleeping newborn in a cradle or cooing at their parents—it’s pure bliss. But let’s not forget the other side: crying, temper tantrums, and the heart-wrenching moments when your baby realizes you’ve left the room. That’s separation anxiety, a natural developmental phase, though not always an easy one to navigate.

For most kids, this phase fades as they grow. But for some, separation anxiety lingers well beyond childhood, turning into a challenging disorder that can impact mental and physical health.

What is separation anxiety?

Newborns seem to be relatively unaware of who is meeting their needs. Still, by four to seven months, they develop an awareness called “object permanence,” a sense that when they don’t see a person, it means they aren’t there, according to an article in Nemours KidsHealth. During this phase of life, they may cry when Mom or Dad are out of the room to bring them back. At around eight to nine months, those emotions deepen into separation anxiety. It’s not just about missing someone; babies don’t yet understand time, so to them, gone feels like gone forever.

As kids grow more independent, their reactions to separation are often mellow. Most children become more independent by the end of their first year of life. For some, however, their response to the absence of their caregiver can become more agitated than before. This happens because they're developing a stronger attachment and awareness of the caregiver's presence or absence, coupled with a limited understanding of time. As their cognitive and emotional development advances, separation can feel more distressing, even if they are generally becoming more independent.

For some kids, separation anxiety can lead to intense reactions that linger for years. While it’s a natural stage of development, life events can make it even harder for young children to cope with separation. Significant changes like moving to a new home, divorce, the loss of a loved one or a pet, a shift in caregivers, or the arrival of a new sibling can all act as powerful anxiety triggers.

It’s normal to react negatively to separating from someone you’re emotionally attached to. Still, when it does not recede with age, and you continue to experience separation anxiety, it is classified as a disorder.

What are the early warning signs of separation anxiety disorder?

Anxiety disorders in children are often easier to spot compared to older kids and adults, though they can still go unnoticed, especially in children who keep their emotions tightly guarded. If your child’s distress feels far more intense than what’s typical for their age, it could be an important early warning that you should consider seeking professional help.

According to the Mayo Clinic, there are a range of symptoms that may lead to a diagnosis of separation anxiety disorder.

Intense negative reactions

A fear of abandonment can trigger outbursts that resemble tantrums or make it difficult to calm down when separating from parents or another loved one. People with a separation anxiety disorder may ruminate about the possibility of losing someone and catastrophize the outcome of everyday situations.

Clinginess

Mental illness takes a toll on parents and caregivers early in life, but for adults, it often causes relational problems between the individual and those around them. The disorder may manifest in controlling behaviors or demands that place undue pressure on a romantic partner, family members, or friends.

Rumination

Anxiety disorders such as obsessive-compulsive disorder and separation anxiety may worry that they or a loved one will be kidnapped, become ill, or a disaster will cause them harm.

Refusal to leave home

Fear of separation can lead to social paralysis when an individual worries about going somewhere without a significant other or caregiver. They may fear leaving home or, in the reverse, being home alone.

How prevalent is separation anxiety?

Separation anxiety disorder is listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, though little is known about its prevalence. It’s the most common diagnosis for kids in mental health treatment, and about 1.6 percent of adolescents suffer from anxiety disorder. An estimated one to two percent of American adults are diagnosed with the disorder.

Individuals who suffer from traumatic experiences are more likely to become anxious about separating from loved ones. It is also seen co-occurring with other disorders, including:

• Depression
• Agoraphobia
• Post-traumatic stress disorder
• Panic disorder
• Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder
• Substance use disorders

Traumas ranging from divorce to sexual assault can trigger separation anxiety disorder, and it may become more pronounced at certain times of the year.

Is separation anxiety greater during the holidays?

Changes in schedules and travel during the holidays can trigger symptoms of separation anxiety disorder in children and adults. Many people feel more lonely during the holiday season, mainly if they do not live around family or have romantic relationships. These stressors can negatively impact your health.

Sleep

Disrupted sleep is a common challenge for adults and children experiencing separation. Especially during the holidays, triggers like worrying about loved ones, being away from family, or feeling alone can all contribute to sleepless nights. If these concerns keep you awake, it’s important to take proactive steps to create a soothing bedtime routine.

Tips for better sleep during the holidays:

• Use a comforting aid: If separation anxiety makes it hard to relax, consider using a body pillow or a weighted blanket to create a sense of security and calm.
• Create a calming environment: Employ tools like sound machines to provide white noise or let a pet sleep nearby to reduce feelings of loneliness.
• Sip something soothing: A warm cup of caffeine-free herbal tea before bed can help ease tension and prepare your mind for rest.
• Stick to a schedule: Even during the holiday chaos, maintaining a consistent bedtime and wake-up time can help regulate your body’s natural rhythms and improve your ability to fall asleep.
• Embrace relaxation techniques: Light stretching or deep breathing before bed can release physical tension and calm anxious thoughts. These small rituals can make it easier to drift off peacefully.
• Prepare your room for sleep: A dark, cool, and quiet room is key to restful sleep. Block out the light with curtains, minimize noise, and set the temperature between 60–70°F to create an ideal sleep environment.

Focusing on these strategies can help ease the effects of separation anxiety and encourage more restorative sleep, keeping you physically and emotionally ready for life.

Finances

The pressure to purchase gifts and participate in seasonal activities, from fundraisers to festivals, can drain your wallet and exacerbate mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.

Anxiety in children

The holiday season can be filled with excitement and other positive emotions, but experts at Children's Hospital say kids who are prone to separation anxiety can be triggered by the chaos. They may become irritable and negative about the daily life experiences they typically enjoy and may even sour on special events ranging from visits with Santa to decorating cookies.

It’s a good idea to watch for these signs when they are overwhelmed:

• Intense homesickness
• Clinginess
• Tantrums
• Confusion about circumstances
• Fear of illness
• Numbed emotions
• Isolation

Holiday gatherings can bring joy, connection, and cherished memories, but they can also be challenging. By staying mindful of how the season’s changes affect you and your loved ones, you can take steps to ensure the holidays are a time of comfort, growth, and togetherness.

Treating or managing separation anxiety disorder

Separation anxiety can be challenging, but there are many practical strategies and treatments available to help individuals of all ages manage their symptoms and lead more balanced lives. From therapeutic approaches to lifestyle adjustments, here’s a comprehensive look at the methods used to address separation anxiety:

Psychotherapy

Talk therapy is one of the most effective ways to manage separation anxiety. Therapists work with individuals to identify the root causes of their anxiety and develop coping mechanisms. A few common therapeutic modalities include:

• Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT): CBT focuses on identifying and reframing negative thought patterns that fuel anxiety. Individuals learn to replace catastrophic thinking (e.g., "If I leave, something terrible will happen") with more realistic and calming perspectives.
• Exposure therapy: This approach involves gradually introducing the individual to separation scenarios in a controlled way. For example, a child might start by spending short periods away from their caregiver, gradually increasing the time apart as their confidence grows.
• Play therapy (for children): Therapists can help children express their feelings about separation in a safe and non-threatening way through play. This method often helps young kids process emotions they struggle to articulate.

Support groups

Connecting with others who experience separation anxiety can provide emotional relief and validation. Support groups allow individuals to share experiences, gain insights, and learn strategies that have worked for others. These groups are available for children and adults and are often facilitated by mental health professionals to ensure a supportive environment.

Family Counseling

Separation anxiety often affects not just the individual but the entire family dynamic. Family counseling can help caregivers and loved ones understand how to support best the person struggling with anxiety. Therapists may work on communication strategies, boundary-setting, and collaborative ways to reduce stress for everyone involved.

Medication (when appropriate)

In cases where symptoms are severe and interfere significantly with daily life, medication may be recommended. This is typically considered a last resort and used in conjunction with therapy. Common medications include:

A qualified healthcare professional should always prescribe and monitor medication to ensure safety and effectiveness.

• Anti-anxiety medications: These can help reduce acute symptoms during particularly challenging situations.
• Antidepressants: Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) like fluoxetine are sometimes prescribed to manage chronic anxiety disorders.

Lifestyle changes

Incorporating healthy habits into daily routines can significantly reduce anxiety levels. Some of the most effective changes include:

• Regular physical activity: Exercise helps release endorphins, which naturally reduce stress and improve mood. Activities like yoga, walking, or swimming are particularly calming.
• Mindfulness and relaxation techniques: Deep breathing, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation can help individuals stay grounded during anxiety.
• Adequate sleep: Poor sleep can worsen anxiety, so it’s important to maintain a consistent sleep schedule and create a restful bedtime routine.
• Balanced nutrition: Eating a diet rich in whole foods, including fruits, vegetables, and lean proteins, can support overall mental health.

Gradual desensitization

This technique involves gently and systematically confronting the situations that cause anxiety. For example, an adult struggling with fear of leaving home might start by taking short walks around the block and gradually progress to longer outings. Over time, this process helps build confidence and reduce fear.

Education and self-awareness

Understanding the nature of separation anxiety can empower individuals to take control of their symptoms. Reading articles, attending workshops, or consulting with mental health professionals can provide valuable insights into how the mind and body respond to anxiety and the strategies that can mitigate its effects.

Creating a support plan

Having a structured plan can ease the stress of separation. This might include consistent drop-off routines for children for school or daycare to create a sense of predictability. For adults, it could mean scheduling regular check-ins with loved ones during periods of separation to maintain a sense of connection.

Engaging in hobbies and activities

Distraction is a powerful tool for managing anxiety. Encouraging participation in enjoyable activities, whether sports, art, or reading, can help redirect focus away from worry and toward something constructive.

Professional interventions for co-occurring disorders

Separation anxiety often occurs alongside other conditions such as depression, ADHD, or PTSD. Treating these underlying or related disorders can significantly reduce anxiety symptoms. A holistic approach to mental health ensures that all contributing factors are addressed.

Journaling and tracking progress

Writing down thoughts, feelings, and daily experiences can help individuals identify triggers for their anxiety and track improvements over time. Journaling also provides a private space for self-reflection and emotional release.

Emotional regulation training

Learning to manage intense emotions is a critical component of anxiety treatment. Therapists may teach strategies like labeling emotions, practicing gratitude, or visualizing positive outcomes to help individuals feel more in control during stressful situations.

Involving schools or workplaces

Open communication with schools or employers can create an environment of support for children and adults alike. Teachers, coaches, or managers may need accommodations, such as allowing frequent check-ins or adjusting workloads, to ease anxiety during transitional periods.

Separation anxiety is a manageable condition, and with the right combination of treatments, individuals can lead fulfilling and connected lives. The key is finding the most resonating methods and seeking professional guidance when needed. With patience and persistence, the challenges of separation anxiety can be transformed into opportunities for growth and resilience.

Can regular chiropractic care help with separation anxiety?

While chiropractic care is primarily known for addressing musculoskeletal issues, it may indirectly help with symptoms of separation anxiety. Chiropractic adjustments ensure the proper alignment of the spine and nervous system, which can help improve overall body function and reduce stress. By seeking to relieve physical tension and promote relaxation, chiropractic care may help individuals manage the physical symptoms that can accompany anxiety, such as muscle tightness, headaches, or sleep disturbances.

Regular chiropractic care might also support mental well-being by encouraging relaxation and helping to regulate the body's response to stress. It’s important to note that chiropractic care is not a primary treatment for separation anxiety. Still, it can complement other therapeutic methods like counseling, cognitive-behavioral therapy, or medication by supporting physical relaxation and overall wellness. For individuals with separation anxiety, a holistic approach that combines chiropractic care with other therapeutic strategies might offer the most benefit.

There is hope and support for separation anxiety disorder

Separation anxiety isn’t just for babies or toddlers; it can linger through adolescence and adulthood. While the emotions tied to separation anxiety can feel overwhelming, the right support and strategies for managing your symptoms and disorder can make a world of difference. Whether it’s a crying baby at bedtime or an adult struggling with attachment fears, there’s hope for finding balance and independence.

When separation anxiety feels like a mountain, remember: you don’t have to climb it alone. Support is out there—you have to reach for it.

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