Wise Ways to Be a Low-Stress Family
By Sandy Schroeder
If you were to rate your family, would you say it is high-stress or low-stress, or somewhere in the middle?
Recently I read Redbook's report on a UCLA stress study of 32 families. Researchers spent four days at ground level in the families' homes recording everything from dinner table disputes to fights, bribes and hugs. The studies were done between 2002 and 2005.
Each family had two working parents, two or more children and a mortgage, according to lead researcher Tami Kremer-Sadlik, PhD, director at UCLA Center on the Everyday Lives of Families. The researchers found stress and warmth existed side-by-side in the households.
Here are some of the secrets about low-stress families that came out of the study.
They find little moments of togetherness - They don't have to take long expensive trips or have fancy dinners to enjoy each other. Instead they talk and laugh wherever they are, driving to school, helping sort out the laundry, or whipping up dinner. The reminder to parents might be to make the most of every moment you have. Put your phone down and really listen to what your child is saying. Ask questions and let them know you are happy to be there with them. Go to their soccer games and cheer and volunteer to help wherever you can.
Both parents take "me" time - Each parent understands the need for relief time and takes turns holding the fort down while the other goes shopping, to the gym, or fishing.
They do not divide up chores - The couples who seemed happiest talked about their mutual goals for the family. They just pitched in to get everything done as tasks came up. Both spouses felt appreciated and valued the contributions the other one was making. They seemed happy to be on the same team.
They watch TV together - When parents and kids watch TV together, it becomes a chance to interact and keep the parents aware of what their kids are watching.
Low-stress parents act as role-models, not pals - When parents treat each other with respect, kids learn how others should be treated. When the parents work together as a team to be the family leaders, kids usually feel more secure too.
They make dinner from scratch - Shopping for fresh whole foods, and cooking family favorites from scratch, can make meals a memorable time for kids. Some of my best memories of my childhood are those spent around the dining room table enjoying my mom's cooking and baking.
They treasure daily rituals - That quiet time to read a story to kids before bedtime, or the parents' shared time to sit down with a cup of coffee or glass of wine, helps define the day and their lives together.
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