Making an Effort in Your Marriage

By Randi Morse

It shook me a bit when I realized that my husband and I had been together for over 20 years. That number seems so huge, but on the other hand it seemed to fly by. Out of all of our friends, we have one of the strongest relationships, and it's for one big reason: we found our spark again. Just like most of our friends we started to realize that we were drifting apart. It was at that point that we both doubled-down and realized that in order to keep our relationship healthy, and to be happy ourselves, we needed to do a little work. 

A Husband's Responsibility

One of the biggest things that I realized during this time was how much I was depending on my husband to do the work in keeping our relationship fresh. This is because he was the one who did the pursuing when we first got together, so somewhere in my mind I believed that it was his responsibility to keep that spark alive. I then wondered why I thought that way. I'm a modern woman, why should it be his responsibility to keep our relationship fresh? Once I stopped relying wholly on him to plan things for us and to make me happy with our relationship, I suddenly felt free. I realized that in order for us to be happy it would take both of us working on things.

Making an Effort

I looked at myself in the mirror one day and the reflection staring back at me was not one I was happy with. My hair was a mess, my outfit was sloppy, and I looked like I had just woken up, even though it was already after 2 in the afternoon. I took a shower, got dressed, did my hair and put a touch of makeup on, then sent my husband a selfie. He responded extremely positively and was full of compliments and affection when he got home. While I don't make an effort every day, I realized that making a little effort here and there not only made him happy, it made me feel good as well. 

I started doing little things to surprise him, like leaving little notes in his lunches, or getting his coffee ready for him. The happier I made him, the happier he made me. He began surprising me with dinners and foot massages. Marriage is a partnership, and when one partner steps up, the other is more likely to as well.

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