4 Quick Cues People Use to Judge You
By Sandy Schroeder
Most of us would love to believe everyone spots our best qualities, but research says most of the judgments made about us are quick, small and sometimes elusive. Then that judgment snaps into place to categorize us with quick labels, such as positive or negative, open or closed, consistent or flakey.
Before you panic or give up, take a minute to look at who you are and what you may be sending out there.
Dr. Travis Bradberry, co-founder of TalentSmart, an agency that services a lion’s share of the Fortune 500 companies, is very good at spotlighting these situations. Here are a few of the behaviors Bradberry says we should be aware of before they sabotage us.
How you treat people in lesser positions – You may have watched this. Someone speaks with an “important” person (in their eyes), treating them with respect. Then they switch personalities as they bark at a receptionist. I knew a person who was a star in his field, and a jewel with his colleagues, but when he went out to eat the waiter was often a target. He was condescending, demanding, or worse. When his contemporaries watched this once too often, they gradually began to write him off.
Making your phone the third player – When you whip out your phone, or subtly check it, when you are lunching with someone, or talking one-on-one at work, you are demonstrating a lot about yourself, and how you feel about them. You may be way too compulsive about your phone. You may have very little respect for the people you interact with, or you simply do not understand how real listening and complete attention can be used to build relationships in face-to-face meetings.
Balanced or unbalanced interest – Most of us have endured exchanges with others, where the conversation was all about them. In contrast we can share information about ourselves, and ask questions to find out how the other person is doing. That’s productive, caring interaction that usually leads to more conversations.
Always late – If you consistently do this, you may be seen as someone who lacks respect for others, or simply does not care enough to pay attention to schedules, but researchers say multi-taskers are often late because they perceive time more slowly. Bosses will tell you people may show up late because they have sick children at home, undependable transportation, or other immediate pressures. Try not to be late, and to not quickly assume why others are.
Overall, look around at others and look to yourself to spot how judging occurs. Accept that things may not be as they appear, but do your best to keep your interactions real and positive. At the end of the day that usually works best.
To learn more about your health and wellness, see your local chiropractor at The Joint Chiropractic in Irvine, Calif.