How to Solve Conflict in Relationships
By Sandy Schroeder
In a demanding world many of us also find our own relationships are stressful. The pressures and pace of today's world seem to make it harder to keep our personal relationships on an even keel.
Recently, MindBodyGreen.com put together some helpful tips from therapists on ways to calm our relationships down. They say conflict does not make or break a relationship but dealing productively with conflict is crucial.
See if these help.
Pause but promise to be back - When the fur starts to fly it is helpful to pause, but also to let the other person know that you will be back and you just need a little time to clear your head. In the midst of conflict, things are often said that fuel the fire and hurt the other person's feelings. To get back to better ground, a little space apart can help each person reflect and gain perspective.
Make it clear that you are in this together - Say you want to work things out. Tell your partner what works best for you and what sets you off to find ways to communicate calmly. By describing the story that you see you are acknowledging that it may not be perfect. It Is your perspective but not the only perspective. That may make your thoughts clearer to the other person without making them feel guilty.
Time your talks with your partner's mood - If you see where the other person is before you bring up the conflict you may get better results. If the other person is still very angry, or irritable, it Is wiser to wait until the situation is calmer. Leave the door open for discussion whenever they want to talk.
Ask for a reflection of what you said - Most of us assume we are heard, but the other person may be hearing something entirely different than what we intended. Keep talking and ask for the other person's suggestions. Then try repeating your thoughts again. Tell the other person that it is important to you that both of you be heard and understood.
Stay calm and be low key - Keep the tone level and avoid making accusations that may set off fresh anger and cause more hurt feelings. Let the conversation flow and listen to what your partner has to say.
Discuss with the goal of learning - Sometimes it is tempting to try to control the conversation to get results. The other person may go along with the effort, but still be upset or resentful. It is usually best to keep talking and gradually work toward a more solid relationship where both people feel they can be open.
Good relationships take work, but the results are usually worth it.
To learn more about your health, wellness, and fitness, see your local chiropractor at The Joint Chiropractic in Roseville, Minn.