How to Create Healthy Interactions with Others
By Sandy Schroeder
Sometimes we may feel we are imposing on others, or they are imposing on us. It doesn’t always work out evenly, but the more we make it work the better off we are.
When it works, our relationships with others are often more relaxed and even. Mutual respect and ongoing interaction take their natural course.
If you can think of a dozen different times where you felt someone asked too much, or manipulated a situation to get what they wanted, you may have to work harder to make boundaries clear.
Never reinforce negatives – If you feel someone is not playing fairly, granting a new request is simply an invitation to keep right on going. Taking a stand and choosing not to grant the request delivers a message.
Expect static – When you stand up for yourself and establish new boundaries you can expect some negative responses. Just stand your ground and wait for better responses. If you don’t get them, it may not have been worth the effort.
Know how to say no – Most of us know someone who simply never says no. They take on extra workloads, show up early and stay late, and just keep carrying more than their share of the load. Don’t be one of those people. Over time your resentment will build and eventually spill over, creating new situations that may be harder to resolve.
Know how to opt out – When people continue to push the limits on boundaries, it may be necessary to simply step back. Silence sends its own message.
Take care of yourself – As you establish better boundaries, take the time to treat yourself better. When people say yes a lot, they often let their own needs take second place. Make a list of things you want and need, and start working on them. As you do, you may see how weak boundaries can create lopsided situations.
Decide what you want – People who always say yes sometimes forget to clearly assess situations. If you are setting new boundaries, figure out what you want. You may be looking for more time, more respect, or more opportunities.
Be realistic – As you establish new rules you may not always get the results you want. People may still ask too much, or put their wishes first. When they do not get the results they want from you, they may simply look elsewhere. On the other hand, some people may get the message and respond better. Keeping the playing field level may be well worth the effort.
To learn more about your health, wellness, and fitness, see your local chiropractor at The Joint Chiropractic in Chula Vista, Calif.