Learning to Say No

By Randi Morse

I am a people pleaser. It took me a long time, and a lot of self-reflection, to realize why I get so upset whenever I believe my actions make another person unhappy. I don't know why I like making people happy so much, if it's something that is in my genetics or if I am this way because of my upbringing. But honestly, how I became a people pleaser isn't important. What is important is for people who are people pleasers, like me, to learn how to say "no."

Saying Yes

When you enjoy making other people happy, it is extremely easy to say "yes" to everything. Your co-worker asks for your help moving? Of course! Your old high school friend needs to use you as a personal reference on a job application? No problem! Saying "yes" makes people happy because you are giving them what they ask for. And there is definitely a sense of satisfaction, or a little rush, that you can get from making other people happy. But at what cost?

Your Mental Health

When you say "yes" all the time to everyone, you are leaving very little time for yourself. By telling everyone that you can help them whenever they need help, you are also teaching them to come to you to solve their problems. My husband always used to say "yes" whenever any of his co-workers asked for help, both inside and outside of work. After awhile this wore on him. He wasn't home as much as he wanted to be and he felt he was missing quality time with his young children. This made him irritable and caused tension and fighting in our home. While he was happy to help others, he was sacrificing his own joy. 

Learning to Say No

Learning to say "no" isn't easy, especially if you've been a "yes" person most of your life. Before you agree to help another person, give yourself five minutes to think about your response. If you respond immediately you're very likely to give that "yes," but when you think about the answer a bit you may find that "no" is the better option for yourself. It's important to remember that by learning to balance your life, saying "no" when you need to, you're going to be happier and healthier. This enables you to be in an even better place, both mentally and physically, to help others when you can.

To learn more about your health, wellness and fitness, see your local chiropractor at The Joint Chiropractic in Draper, Utah.